Wondering how to approach a woman in a bar because you just had online dating?
With a few clicks you have deleted all of your dating apps and vowed never to meet women online again.
The meeting with women has changed.
To defend yourself against this social change, decide to meet women personally, as was the case before we ran around with digital singles bars in our pockets. So you call your buddies and just invite them for a pub crawl.
You and your eyes conspire to build meaningful connections with female strangers in some of the city's most rugged, humid, and wild places. But don't worry, you think you've done this before. The dynamic of taking strangers into bars couldn't have changed that much, could it?
How to Approach a Woman in a Bar Has Changed
Two things may have changed since you last flirted with a stranger in a bar.
The first is the advent of dating apps as the most popular way to meet singles. A recent study published in PNAS found that 39% of new couples found their partner online. This is an increase of 22% in 2009. Meeting with women's IRL – especially in bars – is nowhere near as popular as it used to be.
Flirting with strangers in bars has become less popular and as such has become a fairly cumbersome exercise. Interacting with strangers now requires more skill and sensitivity than ever before.
Gender equality has also changed the dynamics of flirting in bars. Women have more influence than ever before on the rules of mating. Women have been achieving equality at work and in other environments for years and are making significant leaps every ten years. When their voices become louder and more powerful, they begin to shape the rules of advertising.
These two cultural changes have changed the way you approach a woman in a bar. Let yourself be guided through the new collection rules with a beer in hand.
Which image do you project before your approach? Are you alone at the bar, huddled in a corner so as not to be crushed by strangers, or do you have fun with a few friends and laugh all night long to have a good time? It is the latter image that you want to project.
One of the worst things you can do is stare into the field of women and drool together with your buddies. Even if you're in a bar for the express reason of flirting with women, she doesn't need to know.
When you announce your intentions, projects become a Playboy / pathetic picture. Let yourself and your friends appear like the life of the party. She'll see that and want to get into your fun.
This brings me to another point.
Meeting women in bars should not be considered a chore. Be satisfied with simply having a drink with your friends at a bar. Don't think that missing a number means a failed night. If you enjoy yourself regardless of your romantic success, you will keep stepping on the crossbar.
What goals did you set yourself? Setting a goal for evaluating a number creates pressure. Instead I have no expectations. Enter every night with the goal of simply enjoying yourself. Before you approach a woman, do not tell yourself that you will be flirting with her.
Think of your interactions as talking rather than flirting. You go over and start a conversation with a woman because she seems interesting, no less, no more. If you change your attitude, the situation will be relieved.
Who and when do you need to approach?
The next time you're in a crowded bar, take a little trip. When strolling, count how many people are on dating apps.
It's really confusing. Even though we're surrounded by singles who are just whispering, we're still looking at the convenience of our phones to find partners. Finding a friend through an app is now more acceptable than finding in a bar.
In this case you have to choose who should flirt with IRL Proceed with care. Just because she's in a bar cannot guarantee 100% that she will be hit by a random guy. But remember, it is much easier for a woman to put on her sweatpants and Netflix – she has to be at the bar for some “social” reason.
To have the best chance of getting a phone number, contact a woman who seems to be having fun and has eye contact with you. Longer eye contact is a tacit signal of interest. Maybe she's only interested in you for something on your face, but most likely you both share a look for mutual attraction. Take this as your cue to approach.
The type of woman you never want to turn to is clearly the one who doesn't have a good time. If she doesn't talk a lot, doesn't smile, and has her head down, just keep walking.
Before you approach a woman, make sure that she sees you coming. There is no bigger turn for us than to be addressed from behind. Never ambush them. Make eye contact, stay in your field of vision as you approach, walk slowly and safely.
When you finally reach your destination, keep your hands to yourself. Do not hug, kiss, or put your hand on her lower back. The only sensible thing is to offer your hand for a handshake. In fact, a handshake is recommended. It is this little physical interaction that later opens the door for more intense physical contact.
Don't let your lascivious desire to touch her ruin your chances of actually doing so. If you touch them too early in the interaction, it means that you are overly aggressive. Waiting, however, creates sexual tension.
Keep Your Mind
Against the background of drunken idiots, a sober man is attractive.
Don't feel like you can't drink when you're on the go, just keep your mind on yourself. Each time a bow is hinted at, it will be left to you personally within a few moments. But a bow is not your only concern.
Flirting with a stranger in public in front of your and your friends sounds even more scary than presenting yourself to potential customers without preparation. Yes, fluid courage will give you the impetus to approach, but you will deprive yourself of the boast that you have to carry out. Stay sharp and keep your alcohol consumption under control.
No pickup lines
This is a no-brainer.
On the other hand, it is usually the people who are missing from this department that use them.
"I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?" sounds polite in any other context, but in the one it was designed for. Don't be fooled, the pickup lines are flat, clichéd and unfounded.
The only exception to this rule is to really take back your terrible decision after delivery of a pickup line.
“I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Mine was just stolen. "
* Unpleasant pause
" Wow, I can't believe I just said that. Please forgive me. Beautiful women make me say stupid things and I don't usually flirt with strangers in bars. My name is Dave, can I start redeeming myself by buying you a drink? "
I will never ask you to approach a woman with a pickup line and then apologize for using it. If you ever allow your inner 13-year-old to do the best she can Getting you out and freaking out is the only way to save yourself if you really apologize and start over.
What You Should Talk About
Women far and wide, young and old, beautiful and not, were objectified. Many feel like this every day and never more than in a bar. Looking up and down and feeling by men happens so often that many women are not even open to meeting men in bars (Enter online dating.)
It's up to you to resist this trend, and no, I'm not just saying objectification for women is an abomination, but that it will help you conquer advertising will, we If you don't treat a woman like an object – who would have thought?
The first thing you say to this woman shouldn't have anything to do with her body. Don't tell her she's beautiful or compliment her dress. These things can happen later if you have built up enough rapport. So what do you say
The simplest approach is to just ask her what she drinks – "Hey, whatever you drink looks great, what is it / do you like it?" And then go from there. Comment on her accent and ask her where she comes from, if she usually spends Friday nights in bars like this, etc.
Although it is easy to comment on your drink, it is not ideal either. It is ideal if you comment on a similarity that you both share. You can learn more about her by listening to her (if possible before you approach) and what she is wearing. Does she wear a sports t-shirt or training equipment to start a conversation with? If you ask her an open question about yourself, you can start a conversation.
Most importantly, you are sincere. Be yourself and treat them with respect, if it doesn't work, don't worry until the next one.
Generating playful touches
After you have earned your trust a bit and the joke flies, it's time to heat things up.
Minor steps must be taken before you kiss her or place a hand on her lower back or leg. Think of these steps as checkpoints to take before moving on to the next level. The first checkpoint is the handshake that you should perform as soon as you meet.
If the interaction goes well, start making physical contact. Here are some ways to make light touches:
Give her a playful elbow push
Carefully bump her butt with yours
Pin the shoulder farthest from Away from them so that they turn around, then smile at them
Gently move their position to protect them from a passing waiter, a group of people, a drunk person, etc.
See how she responds to these gestures. Is your body positioning closed or does it open? When it opens, you can try to keep your hand short or put your hand on her upper back for a short time. Always wait for a tactical sign of approval before touching it in a more intimate way.
Another tactic you can use is to offer her your body.
Do this by somehow drawing attention to your body. A big step is to use your hands to express yourself and leave them in front of you for a moment, as if asking to be touched.
If your story or thought makes you laugh, I guarantee it I'll grab your hands and touch them. Do not make yourself uncomfortable and reach for her hands, let her hold you and break off when she is ready.
A note to friends