These surveys can tell you what outfits, hair colors and pubic hair styling men prefer, supposedly so you can transform yourself into the dream girl of the heteronormative man. But I recognize that there are limits to the theory. You may find that the person who listens to the same music, reads the same books, and sees the same shows as you is actually a complete asshole.
I attach great importance to taste and overlapping interests, but a record collection worthy of James Murphy and a bar cart full of expensive gin and whiskey cannot completely mask Dickishness. Good taste only makes it easier to deal with for so long.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one who attaches excessive importance to superficial preferences. It's not difficult to find studies and surveys that tell you exactly what people are looking for in a partner. On dating sites, you can fill in check boxes and drop-downs to find your “match” before being able to consider things like conversation rhythm or eye contact.
When I was a hormonal tween / young adult, I spent hours thinking about vapid Cosmo relationship surveys. Polls like “6,000 Horny Guys Tell All” break down the preferences of a group of representative men into nice little categories and percentages. The boys are asked: "Which exaggerated move would you like to try?" and four or five over-the-top options to choose from. Aside from the fact that there are more than four or five “exaggerated” things that you can do sexually, the percentages never offer a clear “winner”.
When exactly this question was asked in 2019, the numbers showed what we all know to be true: that different people have different preferences.
Which exaggerated step would you like to try?
A threesome: 32.1%
In a public place: 31.7%
Video recording of the two of us together: 21 , 2%
Role play: 9.7%
Dirty Talking: 5.3%
These are some exaggerated options. I will need all the smelling salts AND a fainting chair to recover.
I am not quite sure what to do with the information above. Statistically speaking, it is best to choose one of the above options, or at least the first three, to increase the chances of targeting the largest number of men at a given time, as the choice of the most popular option is still up for grabs only the undying love and affection of 32.1% of the men surveyed. (That's 1,926 guys, which seems like a lot, but who knows where they are?)
These surveys can tell you what outfits, hair colors, and pubic hair styles men prefer – or at least what 30% of them prefer – so that they are said to be able to shape up to thirty percent of the dream girl of the heteronormative male population. It is so boring that I have to cry.
We receive many press releases about dating and relationships. Many of them have relationship surveys. One of them was entitled "The dream woman of a man apparently does not drink beer".
According to a national survey conducted by the manufacturers of an app called "Wist", a man's preferred drink / drinking preferences are as follows:
DRINKS: On a date, most men believe that their “dream woman” will drink wine (35%) or a cocktail like Mojito or Margarita (26%). Most men are not interested in a girl who drinks beer (preferred by 18%), a good drink like rum and cola (15%) or a shot or shooter (only 1%).
LOCATION: 43% of boys prefer a fun and informal restaurant because of their "ideal" date. Fewer people (34%) want to spend on a chic and elegant restaurant. Surprisingly, only 22% of men want to stay for a homemade meal.
WHO PAYS: Proof that chivalry isn't dead awaits a date for the majority of men (57%), while 20% believe it is the person who initiated the date who should pay. Only 18% of people believe that it is better to just share the bill.
You bitches don't want to shoot.
I called my husband to tell him the news. He was understandably upset because he had the impression that our shared love of beer that we developed together was something special that we shared. I told him numbers weren't lying, buddy, and that the next time he saw me, I would drink a special drink like Margarita or Mojito.
Obviously, I didn't do this because these statistics don't show any real preference, but also because I don't care.
Some guys may prefer a lady who drinks wine, but that doesn't mean they won't go out with you if you don't. It would be pretty strange to care so much about someone's drinks order. And the concept of a "dream girl" is stupid. I'm sure my husband's "dream girl" doesn't eat mountains of shellfish (which repels him) or tries to show him her used biore pore strip (which repels everyone), but I do and he hasn't filed for a divorce yet
When Sean and I first started "talking", he visited my FB page for easy stalking. At this point in my life I almost exclusively heard classic rock and he almost exclusively heard Tupac, Tool and Tori Amos. We didn't have favorite overlapping books. He hadn't seen "High Fidelity" or "Labyrinth" and I hadn't seen "The Hunt for Red October". And yet we saw it because he was nice and funny and I was nice and funny.
Sean says he remembers looking at my list of favorite bands, shrugging and grabbing some Rolling Stones albums. We then made mutually mixed CDs that none of us liked very much. But we liked each other enough to miss the CDs, and now our music preferences overlap by about 90%. I still hate Tool and he doesn't like Elvis Costello, but we can always put on "The Last Waltz" and listen to it until I get drunk and chatter that Robbie Robertson didn't even come to Richard Manuel's funeral.
Perhaps the fact that we were both so young (19 and 22) allowed us to be less strict about our expectations; Neither of us was very focused on our way at the time. We have grown into people who feel very comfortable with our tastes over the past eight years, and we were lucky enough to do so together.
If I were single now, I would probably think twice about going out with someone who prefers Bud Light to one of my crafty craft beers, but I would hope that I would go that day and at least see what they were Person is like a conversation with.
Forcing people into check boxes and using dropdowns and percentages robs us of empathy. Instead of making appointments, people do interviews. We say things like "I could never go out with a Dave Matthews fan" and "He's so cute and cute but wears shark tooth chains."
Shark tooth chains are terrible, but you can take them off. You cannot undress a terrible personality.
Written by Claire Lower