Girlfriends love you. We love you, even if you think it's funny to fart under the covers and tell your friends that she's on the rag when we're mad at you. We even love you, though you think a “fun evening” consists of Arby & # 39; s beef and cheddars and a 10am nightmare show on Elm Street, in which you whisper, "Babe, do you think that there will be boobs in there? this one? "Since we are resigned to your shit all the time, you should forgive us for telling these tiny little lies from time to time:
We actually understand football
The lie: "Baby, how many points do you get if you get a home run?"
The Truth: “It's soccer, not rocket science. Tim Tebow understands the game and is still drawing on his face. I ask you to explain it for two reasons: to make you feel important and to waste your time making fun of
American Idol the other night when I looked at it. "
We F * cking HATE your favorite t-shirt
The lie: "Oh, it's so cute that you still have a training t-shirt for your high school JV football team and that the sweat stains are actually the majority of the color now, and sometimes you accidentally put your arm through the third hole on the back of the collar. It's lovely and I think it's great that you don't care what you look like in public. "
The Truth: "Sweet merciful God, please hit my friend with a flash just to burn this shirt into a sweaty pile of ashes."
You are NOT the best we have ever had
The lie: "Oh, yes! YES! This uncomfortable bump and your sweat dripping on my face (or lower back) turns me on totally. More! MORE! OH YEAH !!!
The Truth: "I think about this one time in college after I went to that campfire and drank a whole bottle of tequila myself. What was the name of the guy? Larry? LeBron? I know it don't, go away from me, right? "
We're NOT cool if you thwart our dinner plans with your friends.
The lie: "Sure, that's fine! Have fun!"
The Truth: "Say Goodbye to My Vagina, Mr. Popular."
We think most of your friends are delinquent.
The lie: "All your friends are so cool! And totally funny too. I love Jared, your friend who never takes a shower, and Jerum, who brings his stupid guitar everywhere, and Jareth, who uses the word "epic" every thirty seconds. But obviously my favorite is your college buddy who wears his pants every time he comes into town and feels me. He is the best! "
The Truth: Your friends are like you, except that I can't order them around, which makes them completely unbearable.
We are actually NOT a "girl of a man"
The lie: "Fancy dinner? Yuck! Surprise bouquets? This is for pussies. I am a girl of the type. I like sports and video games and make other hot girls on the street aware of that because that's what Guy & # 39; s girls do. "
The Truth: "Sure, I wear jeans more than clothes, but that doesn't mean I don't expect you to be a gentleman." Just because we don't think monthly anniversaries are necessary doesn't mean that we count 12 beers and a street fighter match at Dave & Buster as "a date". I think the occasional fart is funny, but this is NOT an invitation for you to take a picture of your huge shit and set it as my desktop image. Now please tell me how I can change the picture since I have to use this computer for school. "